Bob's Blog

If you’re looking for information, Google is one of the most popular search engines and one of my favorites. Search for anything and come up with thousands, if not millions, of results. But some searches stand out above others: Odd Searches. Things most folks won’t search for. Cept for Bob…….

Question From Robert on Yahoo Answers:

Is it normal for my asshole to burn after pooing? (First, he gets down and dirty and points to his asshole. Then he get nice and says ‘pooing’?)

Best Answer – Chosen by Voters

It might be normal if your poo is very dry. Your anus walls are stretching to the limit and not being lubricated and you might be tearing something. But if you feel it every time you poop you might have hemorrhoids or something, you might want to consult your doctor about this. (This guy must be a doctor. Yes. Hemorrhoids are definitely doctor material. Don’t even think about just buying hemorrhoid cream at Wal-Mart. Must do extensive testing to rectumfy this one.)

Another answer – NOT chosen by voters

yeaH IT’S normal. 

My Answer

What dry shit has nothing to do with your asshole burning is beyond me. And that was the best answer. I don’t think passing dry turds, causing your anus to rip, would result in a burning sensation. Try to pull a 4 inch thick log through a 1/4 inch hole and what you get is just plain HURT. Hemorrhoids don’t really burn either. Just more hurt.

From the Urban Dictionary

Burning Asshole: A fiery sphincter brought on by eating spicy food. More commonly known as Ring Of Fire.

Then there is poopreport.com

Didn’t even imagine there was such a place. Someone who devoted an entire web site to poop related items. Isn’t the Internet great? Thank you, Dave.

Here are some of their article categories:

Stories About Poop
Intellectual Crap
Consumer Reports
Fun with Feces
Poop at the Office
Techniques
Travel Logs
The Captain’s Log
Academic Poop

That pretty much covers anything poop. And be sure to visit the PooTique for all your poop related gifts. And Dave’s book on Poop Culture: How America Is Shaped By It’s Grossest National Product is surely a must read. Also available in a Kindle edition, what could be better for reading while sitting on the pooper?

They’re Saying… 

• This year, give the gift of poop.
• Poop. The perfect gift for that special someone.
• It’s not your father’s poop anymore.
• Did Mary enjoy the poop I gave her for her wedding?
• When in doubt, poop.
• Wouldn’t you really rather have a poop?
• Build it and they will poop.
• I am the master of my poop.
• Poop or get off the pot.
• Where’s the poop?!!
• Only YOU can prevent poop.
• One small fart for man. One giant poop for mankind.

Here’s another odd result:

Pronunciation of burning asshole – how to pronounce burning …

www.howjsay.com/index.php?word=burning+asshole
A free online Talking English Pronunciation Dictionary – simply mouse over your entry to hear it pronounced. American and British spellings, …

Interesting in itself, but the best part is when you follow the link. It states "Our Nearest Entry Is: Nursing Home".

Sing along to Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire:

Spice Is A Burning Thing
And It Makes A Fiery Ring
Now All I Require
Is A Cure For This Ring Of Fire

CHORUS: 
I Have Got A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Poo, Poo, Poo
But The Pain Got Higher
And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

My Farts Are A Painful Tweet
As They Head Towards My Feet
I Scream Out Loud Just Like A Child
Oh, But The Fire Went Wild

CHORUS
I Have Got A Burning Ring Of Fire
I Went Poo, Poo, Poo
But The Pain Got Higher
And It Burns, Burns, Burns
The Ring Of Fire
The Ring Of Fire

You can’t tell me that while writing the words to this song, Johnny didn’t think about his asshole burning.

But wait. Spices aren’t the only things that cause burning assholes. How about lighting farts? This was something, when I was in high school, we thought was profound to do. And yes, if done right, it produces a spectacular effect, but if not done right, will make you wish you had a garden hose to shove up there.

If you’re a drinker, you’ll surely want to mix up one of these:

BURNING ASSHOLE DRINK RECIPE

• 1.5 oz Rum
• 15 drops Tabasco
• A dash of pepper
• Top off with orange juice

Yup. That’ll do it.