Tag Archives: Relationship
Relationship Worries Can Make You Sick
WebMD News from HealthDay
By Kathleen Doheny
HealthDay Reporter
FRIDAY, Feb. 22 (HealthDay News) — Feeling insecure and frequently anxious about your romantic relationship can actually harm your health, new research contends.
The feelings may boost levels of a stress hormone and lower your immune system, according to Ohio State researchers.
In their study, married couples who were often anxious about their relationship — wondering if their partner truly loved them, for example — had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and lower levels of T-cells, which are important in the immune system to fight off infections, lead author Lisa Jaremka said.
“These concerns about rejection and whether or not you are truly cared for do have physiological consequences that could, in the long-term, negatively affect health,” said Jaremka, a postdoctoral fellow at Ohio State University’s Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research.
The study was recently published online and will appear in an upcoming print issue of Psychological Science.
Jaremka said she was not describing the normal now-and-then concerns about a relationship. “Everybody has these thoughts and feelings sometimes,” she said. “They are a natural part of being in a relationship.”
But for the highly anxious, she added, “it’s a chronic thing.”
Jaremka studied 85 couples, all married for an average of more than 12 years. Most were white. Their average age was 39. All the partners reported their general anxiety levels and symptoms, and answered questions about their marriage and about their sleep quality.
The couples were generally healthy. Those with wives who were expecting a baby, or who drank excess alcohol or caffeine or had health problems affecting the immune system were all excluded.
The couples provided saliva samples over three days and blood samples twice. From these, the research team measured levels of cortisol and T-cells.
Participants with higher levels of anxiety about the marriage produced about 11 percent more cortisol than those with lower anxiety levels. Spouses with higher anxiety levels had between 11 percent and 22 percent lower levels of T cells than those with less anxiety.
Jaremka said the two findings are likely linked, because cortisol can hamper production of T-cells.
The study found a link or association between relationship anxiety and the body’s stress and immune response, but cannot prove cause and effect.
While the study did not track whether the highly anxious partners got sick more often, the link is reasonable, Jaremka said, based on other research about the ill effects of chronically high stress hormone levels.
“A lot of the negative consequences of high cortisol are beyond the common flu,” she said. Rather, she added, high level have been linked to heart problems, sleep problems, depression and other conditions.
Another expert who also studies attachment styles said the link between attachment anxiety and stress is not new, but the link to immune system function is newer. And it is “not that surprising,” said Jeni Burnette, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Richmond, in Virginia.
Relationship Worries Can Make You Sick
FRIDAY Feb. 22, 2013 — Feeling insecure and frequently anxious about your romantic relationship can actually harm your health, new research contends.
The feelings may boost levels of a stress hormone and lower your immune system, according to Ohio State researchers.
In their study, married couples who were often anxious about their relationship — wondering if their partner truly loved them, for example — had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and lower levels of T-cells, which are important in the immune system to fight off infections, lead author Lisa Jaremka said.
“These concerns about rejection and whether or not you are truly cared for do have physiological consequences that could, in the long-term, negatively affect health,” said Jaremka, a postdoctoral fellow at Ohio State University’s Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research.
The study was recently published online and will appear in an upcoming print issue of Psychological Science.
Jaremka said she was not describing the normal now-and-then concerns about a relationship. “Everybody has these thoughts and feelings sometimes,” she said. “They are a natural part of being in a relationship.”
But for the highly anxious, she added, “it’s a chronic thing.”
Jaremka studied 85 couples, all married for an average of more than 12 years. Most were white. Their average age was 39. All the partners reported their general anxiety levels and symptoms, and answered questions about their marriage and about their sleep quality.
The couples were generally healthy. Those with wives who were expecting a baby, or who drank excess alcohol or caffeine or had health problems affecting the immune system were all excluded.
The couples provided saliva samples over three days and blood samples twice. From these, the research team measured levels of cortisol and T-cells.
Participants with higher levels of anxiety about the marriage produced about 11 percent more cortisol than those with lower anxiety levels. Spouses with higher anxiety levels had between 11 percent and 22 percent lower levels of T cells than those with less anxiety.
Jaremka said the two findings are likely linked, because cortisol can hamper production of T-cells.
The study found a link or association between relationship anxiety and the body’s stress and immune response, but cannot prove cause and effect.
While the study did not track whether the highly anxious partners got sick more often, the link is reasonable, Jaremka said, based on other research about the ill effects of chronically high stress hormone levels.
“A lot of the negative consequences of high cortisol are beyond the common flu,” she said. Rather, she added, high level have been linked to heart problems, sleep problems, depression and other conditions.
Another expert who also studies attachment styles said the link between attachment anxiety and stress is not new, but the link to immune system function is newer. And it is “not that surprising,” said Jeni Burnette, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Richmond, in Virginia.
Until more research is in, Jaremka suggests people who are highly anxious in relationships work on reducing their stress. Reduce stress by yoga or other exercise or meditation, she suggested. That would lower cortisol, presumably, and help their health.
Burnette suggested that highly anxious partners might also try to be more forgiving, and not keep replaying negative events such as arguments. “Some of our work suggests that anxiously attached individuals are less forgiving and tend to respond with more rumination,” she said.
The study was supported by an American Cancer Society grant, a Comprehensive Cancer Center at Ohio State fellowship and the U.S. National Institutes of Health.
More information
To learn more about improving a relationship, visit the American Psychological Association.
Posted: February 2013
How to Preserve Your Relationship When Your Child Has ADHD
Building and sustaining a healthy relationship with your spouse or partner takes work. When you have a child with ADHD, balancing his or her needs with the attention your marriage deserves is critical if both are going to thrive.
“Anytime you have a child with a condition like ADHD that impacts his ability to socialize, to follow rules, to learn, and listen, it impacts your marriage,” says Los Angeles psychotherapist Jenn Berman, PhD. “As parents and as a couple, you need to listen, work together, and focus not only on your child, but each other as well.”
Accepting or Disagreeing
One of the first disagreements many parents have when faced with a child’s ADHD is whether their child actually has the condition. For some couples, that’s a big hurdle to overcome.
“Many times, I see two parents who are on different pages when it comes to whether their child has ADHD at all, or if they do agree to that, how it should be treated,” says Mark Wolraich, MD, a pediatrics professor at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center.
The goal is to come to terms with the diagnosis, and unite on one path forward in terms of treatment. Then, you can focus on helping your child, and each other.
For Better or for Worse
“Marriage is something you work on all the time,” says Terry Dickson, MD, director of the Behavioral Medicine Clinic of NW Michigan, and an ADHD coach. “But having a child with ADHD adds extra stress to the whole family dynamic.”
Dickson knows firsthand: He has ADHD, and so do his two children. His wife does not.
“When we got married, we both knew it was for life,” Dickson says. “But you need to know that having a child with ADHD will affect your marriage, and you both need to be equally committed to making it work.”
It’s not always easy.
Dickson recalls one study that found parents of a child with ADHD are nearly twice as likely to divorce by the time the child is 8 years old than parents of children without ADHD. Though it’s only one study, Dickson says, it highlights the extra pressure that having a child with ADHD can have on a relationship.
That doesn’t mean ADHD drives all couples apart. It can actually bring some parents closer, as they work together to raise a happy, healthy child and keep their own relationship strong. A simple step in that direction is to approach your relationship as one of the most important tools you have to help your child with ADHD grow and thrive. Your relationship really is that important.
7 Relationship Tips
These tips can help the health of your relationship as well as that of your child:
Amsterdam’s Evolving Relationship With Weed
Dutch pot smokers are complaining that the generation that was running around Amsterdam’s Vondelpark in the Sixties naked and on acid is now threatening the well-established, regulated marijuana trade in the Netherlands.
Responding to international pressure and conservatives in rural and small-town Holland, the federal government is cracking down on the coffeeshops that legally sell marijuana. But big-city mayors, like Amsterdam’s, will fight to keep them open. Amsterdam’s leaders recognize that legalized marijuana and the Red Light District’s prostitution are part of the edgy charm of the city; the mayor wants to keep both, but get rid of the accompanying sleaze.
The Dutch have learned that when sex and soft drugs are sold on the street rather than legally, you get pimps, gangs, disease, hard drugs and violence. Amsterdam recognizes the pragmatic wisdom of its progressive policies and is bucking the federal shift to the right.
Locals don’t want shady people pushing drugs in dark alleys; they’d rather see marijuana sold in regulated shops.
While in Amsterdam, I took a short break from my guidebook research to get up-to-speed on the local drug policy scene. I find this especially interesting this year, as I’m co-sponsoring Initiative 502 in Washington State, which is on track to legalize, tax, and regulate the sale of marijuana for adults (on the ballot this November).
The Netherlands’ neighboring countries (France and Germany) are complaining that their citizens simply make drug runs across the border and come home with lots of pot. To cut back on this, border towns have implemented a “weed pass” system, where pot is sold only to Dutch people who are registered. But the independent-minded Dutch (especially young people) don’t want to be registered as pot users, so they are buying it on the street — which is rekindling the black market, and will likely translate to more violence, turf wars, and hard drugs being sold. The next step: In January of 2013, this same law will come into effect nationwide — including in Amsterdam, whose many coffeeshops will no longer be allowed to legally sell marijuana to tourists.
Locals point out that the Dutch are not more “pro-drugs” than other nations. For example, my Dutch friends note that, while the last 20 years of US Presidents (Clinton, Bush, Obama) have admitted or implied that they’ve smoked marijuana, no Dutch prime minister ever has. Many Dutch people are actually very anti-drugs. The Dutch word for addiction is “enslavement.” But the Dutch response to the problem of addiction is very different from that of the US.
Being a port city, Amsterdam has had its difficult times with drug problems. In the 1970s, thousands of hard-drug addicts made Amsterdam’s old sailor quarter, Zeedijk, a no-go zone. It was nicknamed “Heroin Alley.” To fight it, they set up coffeeshop laws (allowing for the consumption of pot while cracking down on hard-drug use). Today Zeedijk is gentrified, there’s no sense of the old days, and various studies indicate that Holland has fewer hard-drug users, per capita, than many other parts of Europe.
From the mid-1980s to the mid-1990s, the number of coffeeshops exploded. The Dutch observed that marijuana use rates increased, too, so they made changes, closing shops that ignored rules or generated neighborhood complaints. Now, new coffeeshop licenses are no longer being issued, and the number of coffeeshops in Amsterdam has declined from a peak of over 700 to about 200 today. With the movement afoot to crack down on things, coffeeshops are trying harder than ever to be good citizens and to nurture good relations with their neighbors.
While most Americans like their joints made purely of marijuana, the Dutch (like most Europeans) are accustomed to mixing tobacco with marijuana. There are several reasons: Back in the 1970s, most “pot smokers” here smoked hash, which needs to be mixed with something else (like tobacco) to light up. Today, more Dutch prefer “herbal cannabis” — the marijuana bud common in the US — but they still keep the familiar tobacco in their joints. Tobacco-mixed joints also go back to hippie days, when pot was expensive and it was simply wasteful to pass around a pure marijuana joint. Mixing in tobacco allowed poor hippies to be generous without going broke. And, finally, the Dutch don’t dry and cure their marijuana, so it’s hard to smoke without tobacco. Any place that caters to Americans will have joints without tobacco, but you have to ask specifically for a “pure” joint. Joints are generally sold individually (for €3 to €5, depending on the strain you choose).
Coffeeshops are allowed only half a kilo (about a pound) of pot in their inventory at any given time. On a typical day, a busy shop will sell three kilos (and, therefore, take six deliveries). Very little marijuana is imported anymore, as the technology is such that strains from all over the world can be grown in local greenhouses. (And the Dutch wrote the book on greenhouses.) “Netherlands weed” is now refined, like wine.
The Dutch hemp heritage goes way back in this sailing culture. In the days of Henry Hudson, hemp was critical for quality rope and for sails. The word “canvas” comes from the same root as “cannabis.” In fact, there was a time when tobacco was the pricey leaf, and sailors mixed hemp into their cigarettes to stretch their tobacco.
Tourists who haven’t smoked since they were students are famous for overdosing in Amsterdam, where they can suddenly light up without any paranoia. Coffeeshop baristas nickname tourists about to pass out “Whitey” — because of the color their face turns just before they hit the floor. The key is to eat or drink something sweet to stop from getting sick. Coca-Cola is a good fast fix and coffeeshops keep sugar tablets handy.
No one would say smoking pot is healthy. It’s a drug. It’s dangerous, and it can be abused. The Dutch are simply a fascinating example of how a society can allow marijuana’s responsible adult use as a civil liberty and treat its abuse as a health-care and education challenge rather than a criminal issue.
They have a 25-year track record of not arresting pot smokers, and have learned that if you want to control a substance, the worst way to do it is to keep it illegal. Regulations are strictly enforced. While the sale of marijuana is allowed, advertising is not. You’ll never see any promotions or advertising in windows. In fact, in many places, the prospective customer has to take the initiative and push a button to illuminate the menu in order to know what’s for sale. And, surprisingly, marijuana is just not a big deal in the Netherlands — except to tourists coming from lands where you can do hard time for lighting up. A variety of studies have demonstrated that the Dutch smoke less than the European average — and fewer than half as many Dutch smoke pot, per capita, as Americans do.
Source: Huffington Post (NY)
Author: Rick Steves
Published: August 1, 2012
Copyright: 2012 HuffingtonPost.com, LLC
Contact: scoop@huffingtonpost.com
Website: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
Cannabis News – Medical Marijuana, Hemp, Marijuana News, Cannabis
How Housework Can Hurt a Relationship
Study: For Women, More Housework Can Mean More Psychological Distress
June 13, 2012 — If a couple doesn’t split household chores fairly, it can add strain — especially for women, a Swedish study shows.
But the problem goes beyond the list of chores. It’s not so much about who does what, as it is about equality within the relationship.
The researchers, based at Sweden’s Umea University, studied questionnaires filled out by 723 residents of a mid-sized Swedish industrial town from 1981 to 2007. The questionnaires covered school, work, socioeconomic conditions, and health at ages 21 and 42.
At age 21, both men and women reported roughly the same level of psychological distress (which included restlessness, concentration problems, and anxiety). By age 42, however, women’s levels of distress had gone up while the men’s had stayed the same.
Feeling Undervalued Leads to Feeling Distressed
For women, a key contributor to that rise in distress was the uneven distribution of domestic work. But there was more to it than that. It all came down to whether the women felt they and their partners were equals.
If women felt a sense of gender inequality in the relationship, they were highly likely to be distressed. But if they reported that they were on an equal footing with their spouse or partner, the risk of distress disappeared, even if they did more than their fair share of the housework.
“The results of this study indicate that it is not only a matter of whether the responsibility for domestic work is equal or not, but also the relational context in which the responsibilities are divided within the couple relationship,” the authors write.
Psychologist Jill Weber, PhD, was not involved in the study — and she’s not surprised by the findings.
“It is not the work per se,” says Weber, who has a private practice in the Washington, D.C., suburbs. “It’s the feeling that the woman is not getting support from her partner. Inequality often translates as a lack of emotional support.”
Men in the study were less likely than women to report that gender equality was an issue in their relationships. For them, the notable cause of distress was being in a lower socioeconomic position than their partners. To Weber, this too makes sense.
“In general, men who earn less than their wives or who are out of work don’t feel respected, and respect is a hot-button issue for men,” says Weber, author of the forthcoming book Sex & Intimacy. “And men often have some shame that makes it hard for them to open up about their feelings about this perceived lack of respect.”
Weber says it is easy for couples to fall into such dysfunctional, distress-building patterns, which they often live with for many years. She says it’s important for couples to both recognize and talk about the causes of their distress.
“Getting into dysfunctional patterns is unavoidable at times,” she says. “Couples who notice these patterns and have conversations about them and how to get out of them do better over time. It’s the couples who deny that they have a problem who do poorly.”
